YuGiOh Animal Farm
by Tux mux
Summary: All the characters in the YuGiOh realm have been changed into animals, and as usual Tea dies, Pegasus and Seto are up to something kinky, and Yugi tries to save the day, fails, and the world ends. It's delightful.


**YuGiOh's Animal Farm**

Once upon a time, and a very good time it was, there was a little Yugi-cow walking down the road. And as this Yugi-cow came walking down the road, he met up with a little Téa-piglet. He was unhappy with the Téa-piglet's offer of friendship, so he gored her with his horns before proceeding along the Path of Doom. Naturally, since it was a Path of Doom the Yugi-cow wandered right into a slaughterhouse without even realizing it. Just as he was about to be slaughtered, in walked a Pegasus-human.

"Hey, what the f---?!?" screamed Yugi-cow. "What is a Pegasus-human doing in the Land of Animals?"

"Well, Yugi-cow," whispered Pegasus-human seductively, "I am here to abduct your friend Tristan-cock, because I hear he is the biggest cock in all the land. And you know how much I love big cocks."

Yugi-cow rolled his eyes at the perverted comments of Pegasus-human. "You realize that Tristan-cock is a ROOSTER, right?"

"What? NOOOOO!" screamed Pegasus-human in anger and frustration. "Well at least I will find him and kill him. I've always wanted to see him running around like a chicken with his head cut off. LOL."

"Whooooa," said Yugi-cow scornfully, "Dude, you don't _say_ LOL. And you only type it if you are Incredibly Gay, like Seto."

Pegasus-human's eyes lit up. "Um, BTW, Yugi-cow, what kind of animal is Seto? He isn't also a … _rooster_, as you call it?"

"Pegasus, you don't say BTW. It's shorthand. You use it when you're typing…" Yugi-cow sighed a big, green, cow-sigh. "And as for Seto-horse, well, he's a horse."

Pegasus-human's eyes got even bigger. "Hung like a horse, you say! Oh, I must find him. I shan't harass your friend Tristan-cock. You need no longer worry." And he pranced off to play with his pet Seto-horse.

"Whew," Yugi-cow breathed a big, green, cow-sigh of relief. "I was worried I'd have to call on Téa-piglet's Power of Friendship, which I accidentally gored to death with my horns." Then Yugi-cow wandered out of the slaughterhouse and continued down the road until he met up with Tristan-cock and Joey-hen.

"Whazzap, guys?"

"NMH, what's up with you?" said Tristan-cock. He nuzzled Joey-hen as he huddled over their eggs.

"Dude," Yugi-cow moaned, exasperated, "will you people stop using your gay internet slang?!?"

"OMG, Tristan, WTF is wrong with using 'net slang IRL?" asked Joey-hen to his lover.

"I dunno," replied Tristan-cock. "All I have to say is, w/e."

Yugi-cow wanted to pull his own spiky hair out, but he couldn't because he had hooves. Instead he swished his tail testily. "Will you please _stop that_?"

But before they could reply, Joey-hen let out a moan. "Tris, Tris, another egg is coming out!!!" His face began to redden, and he grunted as he pushed hard. Then there was a whooshing sound and Joey-hen sighed with great relief.

"Honey," said Tristan-cock to his lover, "there was no egg."

"Oh yes there was," giggled Joey-hen, "it was a ROTTEN EGG!" He snickered again, as Yugi-cow plugged his nose.

"That sure explains the rotten smell," he mooed. "But where's the egg? And why the whooshing sound?"

"Well, when Joe says he let a rotten egg," explained Tristan-cock, "that means he's farted. And as for the whoosh… that's because Joe's a bottom."

Yugi-cow was unamused. He mooed an exasperated moo and plodded along on his way.

Further down the road he ran into Pegasus-human yet again, this time as he was mounting Seto-horse, who was tied firmly to a fence and thus unable to escape. Pegasus-human was striking the hapless horse with a riding crop and screaming abusive terms while Seto-horse whinnied fiercely in response. The real issue, however, was the shattered bottle of red wine spritzer less than 20 yards away. "Rape! Rape!" screamed Seto-horse as Pegasus-human unskillfully tried to mount him bareback.

As much as he hated Seto-horse, Yugi-cow felt the call of duty to help his fellow beast. He approached the obviously drunken Pegasus-human and, not taking the time to ask questions, gored him with his horns.

Once he noticed that the beating had stopped, Seto-horse turned around, questioning Pegasus-human angrily, "Why did you stop?!? I didn't use my safeword!" Upon seeing a bloody-horned Yugi-cow and a horn-gored Pegasus-human bleeding profusely on the ground, he became even more furious. "What the fuck did you do that for?"

Yugi-cow shrunk away from the furious animal. He whimpered in a most un-cowlike way, "B-because you said he was raping you?"

"Idiot!" snickered Seto-horse, "Couldn't you tell we were scening?"

Yugi-cow was even more confused now. "But Seto-horse, I heard you. You were screaming! That was definitely _not _singing."

"Not singing!" yelled Seto-horse, obviously on his last nerve, "We were SCENE-ING! Which means it was consensual! Which means, for idiots like you, that I wanted him to do it!"

"Oh," Yugi-cow seemed abashed. "Sorry."

"You'd better be," Seto-horse huffed. "Now get the fuck out of here before I do something very NON-consensual to you!"

Yugi-cow turned to leave, but hesitated for a second. "You know, Seto, whatever it was you were doing, you should still use a condom next time. And never share razors—"

Seto-horse practically screamed, "OUT!!!!! NOW!!!"

Yugi-cow turned immediately and ran, in a quite ungainly cow-gallop. Meanwhile, Seto-horse decided to make God quite irate (which is rather uncomfortable when one has hooves, but he managed), before untying himself and sauntering off to find a new play-partner.

After such an exhausting morning, Yugi-cow decided to go back to the barn and take an afternoon nap. He dreamed sweet dreams of grazing among beautiful flowers under a bright blue sky. Unfortunately, he was woken up by screams of "Rape! Rape!" Reasoning that he didn't want to be made fun of by Seto-horse yet again, Yugi-cow yawned a moo-yawn and settled back into the hay to finish his nap.

When he woke it was early evening, and he sauntered out of the barn, only to stumble upon Joey-hen nursing Tristan-cock back to health. "My god," gasped Yugi-cow, "what on earth happened to him?"

Still fussing over his lover, Joey-hen clucked, "Oh, it was HORRIBLE! Seto-horse barging through here and raped my Tris-cock!"

"Oh," said Yugi dully, "I wondered who it was that I heard screaming 'Rape!'"

Both of the chickens were dumbfounded. "But Yugi-cow," asked Tristan-cock in a tone that was still distraught, but weary, "if you heard me screaming for help, then why didn't you do anything? Why didn't you come and gore him with your horns?"

"Because," sighed the cow with a moo-sigh, "I thought you guys were just singing, and I didn't want to be embarrassed again." Then a thought struck him like Pegasus-human's riding crop. "Wait! Maybe it was because I gored Téa-piglet's Power of Friendship earlier! Maybe that's why I no longer feel any empathy for you guys!"

Joey-hen opened his mouth as if to respond, but suddenly his face contorted in pain. "Oh god, guys. I gotta rotten egg—" But he was cut off by the sound of his own wind breaking. The harsh, sudden sound startled Tristan-cock and triggered a PTSD response in the rape victim. He couldn't resist the comforting urge to light a match. Instantly, the entire farm exploded in flames, killing everyone within a 10-mile radius of the fart. And this time, none of them came back to life.

The end.


End file.
